Update 28 November 2019: Reflections on chemo, travel and retirement

Hello readers,

I’m back! My life since the last posting has been filled with travels, chemo, other medical procedures and appointments.  I had a longer chemo holiday for the month of October while I undertook my Grand European tour by rail. It was great to have that time off from chemo to regain my strength.

On the medical side, I started chemo again after my trip. I will have several more rounds which will take me to end of January. I’ll have scans at that point and the doctors will assess how effective the chemo has been and how to proceed. I have no sense at this time what the results will be but, of course, I hope for the best. I will let you know when I get the news.

(As an aside, I've tried to find a way for people to get alerts about the blog but have thus far been unsuccessful. I will post on FB from time to time but if you would like me to let you know when I do update the blog, let me know. My email is dchatsis@gmail.com.)

There was a bit of good news about treatment results. There is some fluid around my heart (pericardial effusion) for which I have been getting echo cardiograms for the last year. Normally they would drain the fluid but it’s in a place that is not easily accessible so the hope is that the chemo would help reduce the fluid. And it seems to be working! There is still a “moderate” level of fluid but this is an improvement over earlier when it was medium-large amount of fluid. This means a lower risk of damage to my heart and also I’m able to lay on my back once again. The timing, however, does raise the question of whether the chemo is causing or curing the fluid build up. We shall see!

On more fun topics, I had a lovely 4 week Grand European Tour in October, visiting friends in various capitals in Europe, travelling mostly by train. It brought back great memories of various travels in Europe. Paris was my base, where I stayed with Caroline Guimond, with whom I started in the Foreign Service. 

I travelled to Geneva to visit Leslie Norton and other friends and to see the city where I lived from 1998-2002. It’s as beautiful as ever and the fondue is still tasty.  I stopped in Berlin overnight to catch up with Marie Gervais-Vidricaire and Marc Vidricaire.  Marie was my amazing boss in Geneva and the two of them are enjoying retirement in Berlin. I then went to visit Warsaw, my first time in that country, to visit Leslie Scanlon, another member of our bookclub. It was great because her family descended for Thanksgiving so I got to meet them. I then took an overnight train to Prague (my own cabin with a washroom). In Prague, I stayed with Ayesha Rekhi, our new Ambassador, and her amazing family whom I had been with in Vietnam. I did a bit of sightseeing and got to join them for the Canadian Thanksgiving celebrations.  I then took the overnight train to Zurich and fast train to Paris. 

My sister Verla joined me for the last bit of the trip where we spent time at the family farmhouse of Sheila Coutts (another friend from when I started and fellow Ecole Caron vet). It is north of Paris and about as lovely as you would imagine. No bicycling through the village with a baguette in the basket but rest assured that we ate and drank very well.  We went to The Hague to visit Lisa Helfand, our new Ambassador, and founder of the aforementioned book club. We also checked out a bit of Amsterdam then went to Brussels to visit Maeve Collins, one of the Irish Ambassadors to the EU and former colleague from Vietnam. We were also lucky enough to get time with Kimberly Phillips who met us even though she had just arrived from Canada that morning. 

The great thing about having been in the Foreign Service is that you have friends around the world. It was such a treat to have the opportunity to visit some of them during my trip.

Beyond visiting friends, the best thing about the trip was travelling by train. I love the speed and comfort of travel that trains provide. So much easier and less stressful than flying. Other highlights included seeing the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam, the Van Gogh light show at Atelier Lumière in Paris and the always amazing Monet water lilies at the L’Orangerie museum in Paris.

I was gone for four weeks which was a touch too long, I was happy to be home but also sad as the first thing I had to do was go for blood tests, an appointment with my oncologist and chemo. Reality slapping me in the face once again, reminding me how much my life has changed in the last two years. 

However, I must remember to be thankful for what I have. Even in the midst of all these medical problems, I am still doing well with good medical care, I have my family to support me and the opportunity to take fun trips now and again.

Apart from the travel and seeing friends, the main benefit of the chemo holiday was that some of the side effects lessened. I definitely had more energy after the first two weeks of the trip and was almost at pre-chemo levels in terms of walking. My hair grew back a bit so I’ve got a little fuzz cap going on now and some teeny tiny eyelashes and eyebrow hairs. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the hair will stay but it looks like they are starting to fall out. 

Last Saturday was a beautiful day - sunny, 8C. I took Ginger for a walk with a friend and her dog. It would have been perfect expect a guy rode by on his bike with his dog which scared Ginger. She went after the dog and, as I was holding the lead in the wrong hand and looking in another direction, I went down. I did not break anything, thank goodness, but have a few small scapes and a stiff arm. It made me realize how careful I need to be and that my doctor was right in telling me to give up skiing and skating.

The week before last I celebrated 30 years in the Foreign Service and retired on the anniversary of the day I reported for work at the Lester B Pearson building, November 14th. I went to Ottawa to mark the day and celebrate with friends. I had the pleasure of meeting with colleagues to talk about my career and my take-aways. I also had a fun retirement party (organized by the ever-fabulous Kerry Buck) to which friends and colleagues from my time in Ottawa were invited. 

The occasion gave me some time to reflect on where I have been, literally and figuratively, over the last 30 years. Several people have asked me whether I will write a book about my experiences but I reply that I am a slow writer and too lazy so, no, I won’t be writing a book. I will try to give you some highlights in this post.

I would say that I am an accidental diplomat and unlikely Ambassador, having grown up in a modest family, in Prince Albert on the last house on the last street in the wrong part of town. I hear about diplomats from a high school classmate but didn’t know what they did (short answer - many things but always representing Canada). After law school, I wanted to work overseas, perhaps teach English or work as a lawyer but decided to write the Foreign Service exam after hearing about it from a friend.

A year later, got a call from an HR person while I was backpacking in Portugal who offered me a job as soon as I could start (very soon, as I was unemployed). I landed in the Pearson Building on November 14th, 1989 along with the fabulous Ninon Valade and we both went to work in the Social Affairs stream (immigration). My first task was photocopying binders which was a good reminder to stay humble.

After a lovely 6 week temporary duty in Nairobi (great work, safaris, beautiful beaches and best tan ever), I spend the summer studying French at a certain Ecole Caron and then went to work in the visa section in Beijing. This was one year after Tiananmen Square so it was a busy time with lots of visitor visa applications and family reunification requests. We did our best to facilitate the family reunification requests, but on the other applications, let’s just say my nickname was Madame No. For the first year, I worked 7 days a week and did not claim overtime until a friend advised me to do so. 

It was a tough job - which I frequently described as mind numbing and soul destroying. A colleague convinced me I had a future in the FS so it was thanks to him that I actually stayed in the job (eventually transferred over to political/economic stream to work in the Legal Bureau). 

I loved living in Beijing - the food, the culture, the history, the parties. As one journalist said, it was a great place to live as there was no adult supervision. I traveled a lot around the country which was fascinating though sometimes frustrating. It was a great first posting. I’ve enjoyed my time there in subsequent trips even though the country has changed enormously.

What I learned in Beijing, other than the saying “what doesn’t break you will make you stronger”, was that people in the Foreign Service can be like family and, if you are lucky, a support group. I still love seeing my Beijing friends even after all these years and I’m grateful to them (and other FS friends) for their friendship and support over the years.

My second posting was Bogotá, which was going through a very insecure period in their civil war and fight against the drug cartels. There were guys with guns everywhere and we were fairly limited to where we could travel, even in the city. So, after the freedom of Beijing, it was tough to be in a less than welcoming environment. There were some good colleagues, mostly junior ones and locally engaged, but I won’t comment on the others. All I can say is that I learned that leadership from the top has an impact on a mission, especially bad leadership.

The third posting was Miami where I continued the regional job I had in Bogotá but had the benefit of more air connections. The best part of that job was living in an apartment by the beach on Key Biscayne.

I soon transferred to the political/economic stream and started work in the Legal Bureau back in Ottawa. I had a great set of bosses who were supportive and helped me learn about a new area of law (the law of war) and human rights, including through my LLM studies which I did part-time. I worked on some really interesting and important issues, including international criminal law. There were two highlights of my time in the Bureau. The first was working on the negotiation of the landmines treaty as I was lucky enough to be the lawyer for the team. After a year of solid work, we met for the Foreign Ministers’ signing ceremony and celebrated later with a dance party. It was proof that being audacious and ambitious can succeed with commitment and hard work. The second highlight was working on the Draft Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples. I learned that I had a role to play, both as a lawyer and as an indigenous person, to help provide context and understanding to our analysis.

In early 1998, I was getting ready to move to Geneva to work at our Mission to the UN when I had my first brush with breast cancer. Those who have read my blog know that I was determined that I would not let it affect my life, including my posting. So I started chemo and radiation treatment in the summer and moved to Geneva where I continued my chemo. I threw myself into work and wanted to take on more. My boss, a very caring person, spoke to me about redistributing some of the work, telling me I had been though a very tough time, etc etc. I sat back and realized she was telling me to get a life, which was great advice. 

I worked on some interesting files, including the Draft Declaration and the Permanent Forum on Indigenous issues, and more challenging ones such as the Racism Conference. I won’t go into the details of that but I was so tired and stressed that when I got up one morning, I started crying by the time I even made it into the shower. That was an exception as most negotiations were much easier and more rewarding.

My experiences in Geneva taught me a lot personally and professionally. The most important takeaway was that you can choose to be happy. I certainly was that while I was skiing in the French Alps, hiking in the surrounding mountains or travelling in Europe. It was a lovely posting.

After Geneva, I was cross-posted to New York to work at our Mission to the UN. It was a great job with wonderful colleagues and the city is fabulous. Unfortunately, my time was coloured by the death of my father several weeks before I was to start work, and my mother the following year. It would be overdramatic to say that it was an existential crisis but as I mourned, I thought about what I wanted to do with my life. I developed a five year plan (harkening back to my time in Communist China) that included going to grad school and becoming an Ambassador.

I had some good discussions with colleagues along the way that helped, including with two UN colleagues. The first said that once both parents are gone, they are with you all the time, in your memories and your heart. The second person said that things are not as good or as bad as they seem which is always good to keep in mind.

I returned to Ottawa early and worked on human rights policy. What I learned was that being a Deputy Director is a difficult job with pressures from above and below. I also learned, from a horrible 180 review, that I was not the “natural” manager I thought I was and that I had to take care about not being a source of stress for my staff.

After a couple of unsuccessful attempts at promotion, I decided that my relationship with the department was unhealthy and that we needed to take a break. I heard about a mid-career Master of Public Administration program at Harvard Kennedy School and one on Public Policy at Princeton, as well as a Fulbright scholarship program for mid-career government employees. I thought about it, worried that I would not be successful but also conscious that I needed to make a change. One evening, I was sitting on my deck and thought I needed to take a chance. So I applied. I got into both the Harvard and Princeton programs and got the scholarship. I felt like skipping down the hallway to share my joy with others. It was such an amazing outcome.

In the end, I decided to go to Harvard. It was the best career decision to take year off and learn, reflect, and try to put things together for a way forward. It was a wonderful year - enriching, exciting, challenging. I made some amazing friends amongst my classmates and learned so much.

I returned to Ottawa to work at Indian Residential Schools (IRC) Truth and Reconciliation Commission and, shortly after, at the Privy Council Office (PCO) Social Development section. It was fascinating work, particularly at PCO Social. I got to sit in on Cabinet meetings, review policy proposals being put forward by departments (primarily Indian Affairs) and find out what the government priorities were, particularly important during the economic downturn and federal election.

One of my files was the government apology to the IRS survivors that the Prime Minister had promised. This held so much importance to me as many of my family members went to residential schools, including my father who spoke about his experiences with us. I was thrilled to be in the Parliament building the day that the PM read out the apology - another career highlight.

A manager who started work in the office brought a small desk sculpture with him that said “integrity” which he told us was an important value for him. He led by example and, having seen the contrary in others, I agree on its importance both in work and one’s personal life.

In my second year, I was asked by HR at Global Affairs to go to Kandahar, Afghanistan for the summer as the Acting Director of the Provincial Reconstruction Team to replace someone who had medical issues. Our team, comprised of civilians, did political and development work with the provincial government. It was fascinating to work with the Canadian Forces who were inspiring in their dedication to their mission.

During the summer, I was given the opportunity to apply for a job as the Chief of Staff for the Deputy Minister of Global Affairs. This was the ultimate learning experience as I saw how the department worked, or did not. The Deputy was what is called the sherpa (point person for the PM) for the G-7 and G-20 meetings so it was a busy, busy time. What I learned was the importance of focusing on priorities - and keeping a good to-do list.

Thanks to my time in that job, I was appointed as Amb to Vietnam when the job became available off-cycle. It was my first Head of Mission (HOM) job - and second tick on my five year plan. I was so incredibly moved when I was presented to the Governor General as the new Ambassador of Canada and could imagine my parents bursting with pride beside me.

It was a perfect posting for a first time HOM - an interesting country, no significant bilateral problems, great staff at the mission and a lot of interest in Canada. We received a visit from the then Governor General David Johnson on his first visit abroad as GG. The visit meant a lot of work for us but was incredibly rewarding for all of us and the embassy. We also celebrated the 40th anniversary of diplomatic relations with a gala concert and dinner, including with a circus performer. On the day-to-day work, we became active on social media which was becoming big in Vietnam. On a personal level, I was really happy to connect with people through sharing my own story. As the first First Nations woman to be an Ambassador, I learned to embrace being a role model, in Canada and in Vietnam. And, as a footnote, I got to be a judge for the Da Nang fireworks festival which was incredibly fun.

I returned to Ottawa to work on South Asia from Afghanistan to Bangladesh, a fascinating part of the world. I lived by the canal so would often walk or bike to work, which was a real treat after the chaos of Hanoi. I even skated to work a few times. It was when my cough started, heralding medical problems that were eventually diagnosed as metastatic breast cancer (see first post for a refresh).

After two years, I was appointed as Ambassador to Guatemala and High Commissioner for Belize (essentially the same as an Ambassador but for Commonwealth countries). It was a really great job with substantive issues on trade, human rights and development. It can be difficult to work and live in the country though as there can be security concerns.

What I found most shocking was how wealthy the country is yet with high levels of poverty, food insecurity and malnutrition, mostly amongst the indigenous peoples that constitute almost half of the population. As a result, our development programming focused mainly on the most vulnerable, indigenous women and youth. On a smaller scale, we were able to start an indigenous internship programme to bring in a Mayan person who could share their knowledge and expertise with the staff.

So, it was a tough job but rewarding. I had a great circle of friends which made it difficult when I had to leave 6 months early because of the cancer diagnosis. I was able to leave thanks to a supportive team at mission and HQ. And my sister Verla who went down to Guatemala to get me.

So that, in short, was my career. It was a fabulous career with interesting jobs, wonderful friends and colleagues, with new jobs and new places every couple of years. I certainly didn’t expect to end up as an Ambassador when I first started with the Foreign Service but with hard work and a certain amount of luck, it worked out. And now to enjoy retirement ...

Misc cancer articles to read

Need for research for those with MBC

https://time.com/5689570/metastatic-breast-cancer-research-treatment/ 

How those with a first incidence of breast cancer fear recurrence (and those with MBC)

https://www.breastofus.com/blog/overcoming-the-fear-of-recurrence-and-embracing-my-metastatic-sisters?fbclid=IwAR2e09mNO4jNytS4cOOI4A8nqGtItIym2i6L0b9ho35Q5tfPf16YXoDG4pQ 

An interview with the author of “Being Mortal”

https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2018/09/surgeon-author-atul-gawande-confronts-his-imperfections-in-hds-talk/?utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=hu-twitter-general&utm_source=twitter

Living life with thoughts of death

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/25/well/live/living-intimately-with-thoughts-of-death.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share

The day before my trip to Europe, we saw Elton!

With former colleague and ski buddy Les in Geneva

Happiness is fondue at the Cafe du Soleil

Cool Warsaw

Sightseeing in style in Prague

With the Ambassador and her family in Prague

Not enough pictures to show how beautiful Prague is

Looks like a fibonacci broccoli

With Sheila at the farmhouse

Always on my must-see list in Paris

Metro in Paris

Van Gogh in Atelier Lumiere room

At the Mannequin Pis

With Maeve and Nick in Brussels

Verla and Tintin at Brussels train station

Ever hospitable Caroline

Early hair growth on return to Canada

Ginger checking out the neighbourhood

Elvis has left the building

Some of my support crew

The Hanoi crew

The Beijing gang

The Guatemala group

Three generations of fabulous Heinbeckers

Former DM Len Edwards and wife Margaret

Hai Anh and her family became citizens!