The Cancer Years

The long-awaited update: November 2018

So, this week I learned what scanxiety is. People on my FB groups for MBC-ers use the term to describe the anxiety one has while awaiting the results of scans.

The week before last, I had my 6 month CT and bone scan. I took a picture of the bone scan and, while it is difficult for a non-medical professional to interpret, I did note that it was a bit different from the previous one. And my imagination took flight, but not in a good way. I thought about what would happen if the cancer had progressed, what the new treatment options would be and how this would affect my life (and life expectancy). It was not as bad as when I was first told in January that the cancer had metastasized but it was a pretty bleak. I dealt with it in a very mature way by watching a series of British police dramas on Netflix. Escapism ain’t so bad.

So, I had an appointment with my oncologist last week. It was a mixed bag of results, some improvements and apparently two new spots (one on my femur and one on my lung), although apparently it is difficult to be precise with the bone scan given the medication I am on. Overall, the doctor said that the disease is stable (-ish?) and I’ll continue with the medication and have CT and bone scans in 3 months. Of course, I am hugely disappointed as I really wanted him to tell me that all the tumours continue to shrink and I will be on the medication for years and years. Maybe I’ll get a better reaction over the next few months so I won’t give up hope. I know this is a terminal disease but I would rather the conclusion be later rather than sooner.

Other than that, the medical treatments are going well. I have some minor side effects from the medication but otherwise things are fine. I am settled into life in Saskatchewan and am a proud holder of both a Saskatchewan health card and driver’s licence.

I moved into my new house and have almost finished organizing the place. It’s the first time since 2010 since I’ve had all my stuff in the same place so there has been a fair amount of sorting and giving away treasures (and not-so-much treasures). I shipped a few boxes east when I joined the Foreign Service almost 29 years ago and came back with many, many more, including souvenirs of the 7 postings I have had - Beijing, Bogota, Miami, Geneva, NY, Hanoi and Guatemala.

Ginger has settled in well too. She is less anxious than she was when she arrived at the end of May but she still has some separation anxiety issues. She is making friends with dogs and people alike and enjoys our walks in the neighbourhood and a local park. I am thankful for her (mostly) calming presence and the fact that she makes me get up and walk two or three times a day when I would rather be on the sofa watching Netflix.

The summers in Saskatchewan are truly wonderful. We rented a cabin at Christopher Lake, about 30 minutes from Prince Albert. We spent time reading, playing cards, going for walks and generally relaxing. Apart from the tree falling on the house the first night and the bear visits in the neighbourhood, everything went smoothly. I enjoyed the beauty and peacefulness of the lake and spending time with family. I believe it was good for my health too, as my white blood cell count went up.

I spent a week at Candle Lake in September enjoying the late summer weather with my Australian friend and former classmate at the Kennedy School, Michelle. We enjoyed our time sitting in the cabin, reading and listening to the crackle of the fire. Ginger continued to bark at the waves and run up and down the deserted beach.

The following week Michelle and I set off on an 18 day road trip to San Francisco to meet up with our friend from grad school, Betsy. Our first stop was in South Dakota to visit the Dignity statue, a 50’ statute of a Indigenous woman with a starblanket. We continued west and visited Mount Rushmore and the Crazy Horse memorial. We stopped overnight in Wyoming at an Airbnb ranch after a terrifying evening driving through hills, avoiding deer, cows on the road and rabbits. We drove to Reno through remarkable scenery in Wyoming and Utah and spent the night in that (in)famous city. Our classmate Anjeanette joined us for dinner and told us about life in Reno (some of which will be the focus of her upcoming “The City” podcast). Next stop was San Francisco where we met up with Betsy and we did all the touristy things including hanging off the side of the streetcar and getting our picture taken at the Golden Gate bridge.

Following our sejour in SF, we headed north to Vancouver, stopping in Portland to visit another classmate Elizabeth. We didn’t see much of the city but what we did see was hip and cool. In Vancouver, we picked up my sister Verla, visited with our friend Joan and headed to Ashcroft, in the Interior, where we lived when we were children. We had the opportunity to visit with our friends Colleen and Lynda and our ever wonderful godmother Joan. After visiting Uncle Peter, Auntie Muriel and Raeanne, we headed east to Banff and Canmore. For the last part of the road trip, yet another grad school friend Judith flew into Calgary to catch up with us. We left Canmore on the morning of Tuesday 2 October as we had to be in Saskatoon the next morning for Michelle’s flight to London. There was some snow but things were going well, right up until the traffic stopped after Dead Man’s Flat (there’s another town nearby but I love the name). We were stuck on the road for 3-4 hours though thanks to Verla’s prescience, we had a full tank of gas. A European fellow came by to say that he had been speaking to truckers who said the trucks would be stuck on the hills ahead till the next morning (which turned out to be true). He was trying to get cars to move so that he could use the access road to cross to the west-bound road. We thought that was a good idea so we went back to Canmore for lunch and decided to take a secondary road to Calgary. The storm was the worst in over 100 years so the roads were not great but Verla got us out of the mountains safely. The trip to Saskatoon was uneventful (and we even saw a moose) and we made it to the city by 1 am, the car laden with ice. Winter wonderland indeed.

I’ve had a couple of other trips, including to Ottawa for work and a Mud Run, with several days at the Buck island at Tyson Lake near Sudbury. I also went to London and Paris to meet up with friends. I’m lucky that I’ve been able to plan my trips around treatments and have been careful about not pushing myself too much. I want to do as much as I can while I am physically able.

My plans for the next few months are pretty uneventful, mostly finishing my house organization and sorting out paperwork, including the remaining medical claims (ugh). I have to get myself back on an exercise routine, including winter sports. Unfortunately, my oncologist confirmed that I still can’t ski so I guess skating is out too. So, I’ll be out snowshoeing once there is enough snow. Trying to make the best of a Saskatchewan winter.

I was interviewed by a colleague for a Global Affairs podcast, including about being an Aboriginal Foreign Service office and Ambassador, and my current medical condition. The podcast can be found at:

http://international.gc.ca/gac-amc/podcasts-balados.aspx?lang=eng

Here are some interesting articles about MBC. Some are a bit older but still relevant.

https://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/18/health/18cancer.html

https://www.fredhutch.org/en/news/center-news/2014/10/stage-4-metastatic-misunderstood-breast-cancer.html

http://www.butdoctorihatepink.com/2013/10/pinktober-from-metastatic-point-of-view.html?m=1

https://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/18/health/18cancer.html

https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/inspirational-stories/a23301331/metastatic-breast-cancer/

https://ipolitics.ca/2018/09/01/when-words-fail-us-cancer-death-and-journalism/

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/first-person/article-what-not-to-say-to-someone-who-has-cancer/

So, that’s all for now. I will continue to provide updates as events warrant.

Please feel free to contact me by email or other means. Come visit me in Saskatchewan, though I recommend waiting till the spring. Hats off to Don Buckingham, Les Linklater, Brigitte Diogo, Claudette Deschenes and Caroline Melis, and Sarah Taylor for making time for a short visit.

Thanks, as ever, to my family and friends near and far who are accompanying me on this journey. I love you all.